I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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