You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
