with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
