i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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