I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
