He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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