im drinking this country out of the recession.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
