We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
