omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize