i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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