can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
