I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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