when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
