i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
