Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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