Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
