Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
