My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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