did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
