the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
