Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
