Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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