The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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