he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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