are you so shy because you have an std?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
