there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
