So drunk its hurt
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
