Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
