U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
