Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
