guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
