the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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