Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
