He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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