just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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