I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
