She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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