I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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