saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
