Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Randomize
