That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
