How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
