I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
