I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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