I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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