What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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