If that was your dad, he is hot
Duck Duck Cougar?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
