this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
