the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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