white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
