the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
