cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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