the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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