i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
