Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
