My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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