Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize