yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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