in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
3pm strippers are depressing
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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