you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize