new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
