"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
