So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
