Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize