I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
