you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
