I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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