You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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