Pants 0. Shit 1.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
