Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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