I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize