My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
