Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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