I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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