I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
