I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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