I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
