I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
