i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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