Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
