i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
high people should be assigned attendants
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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