My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
