JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
